If Only
by Trevor X
Summary: Mild flashbacks. Told from Bastila's point of view after Revan brought her back to the light. A story of choices, and wondering about a different path.


_It was the only thing she'd been able to keep for him. Besides her love and loyalty that is. Bastila mused on this as she settled on the floor and began her meditation. The force flowed around her in waves as she focused on the battle outside, using her gift now to bolster the Republic battle fleet that was attempting to demolish the Star Forge._

_In her mind's eye they appeared small and insignificant, and she concentrated on a portion of the defending fleet, causing a momentary lapse in their formation. As she watched, fighters raced in to take advantage of the hole that she had created. The battle raged on, with Republic gunships moving to support the fighters in their efforts to destroy the defenses before pressing on toward the ultimate goal._

_Concentrated fire caused one of the Sith starships to explode in a cacophony of sound and color. Smaller explosions dotted the area around it where fighters had run too close to the capital ship when it met its demise._

_And then she caught a glimpse of a smaller battle being fought, one that pitted only two opponents, but held far more weight than all the conflict outside. Revan was there, outlined in the flickering light from his sabers as he locked in combat with his former friend and apprentice._

_Words were exchanged between the two, and even though she could not hear them, Bastila knew what each one said. One could not spend the time that she had in the company of either man and not know the words that they spoke. Malak was laughing, his hand extended to something that she could not make out… and the vision disappeared in the greater battle overhead._

"_Come back to me, my love."_

_The tide had turned now to the Republic, and the Sith were beginning to panic and break ranks. Their defense was no longer cohesive, no longer moved by a greater controlling mind. They began to retreat, leaving the Forge itself open to assault. The Republic heavy cruisers moved in to assault the Star forge, gunners targeting the massive battle station._

_Bolts of light began to hail downward…_

_And her mind gave her the flashback; Malak coming to her, desiring her to give him everything. He didn't care for anything, save to take for himself all that Revan desired. Somehow, despite the power that he exhibited, she managed to deny him what he sought. She might become his apprentice, but she only desired to share herself fully with one man._

'_Revan…'_

_She was jolted out of her thoughts as the first volley impacted on the Star Forge's shields. It was time for her to leave this place. Slowly she came out of her meditation, opening her eyes to gaze into the worried expression of Carth Onasi. The pilot grasped her hand as she stood shakily._

"_Come on, we've got to get out of here."_

_They moved swiftly through now deserted corridors, reaching the docking bay where the Ebon Hawk still waited. Canderous kept a wary guard over the doorway through which they emerged, his heavy blaster moving to cover them as they came into view. Bastila was grateful that she had no need to lean on Carth; she disliked showing any weakness in front of the Mandalorian._

_Further volleys from the ships overhead caused the docking bay to shake and left Carth running to start up the Hawk's engines. The Jedi who had stayed behind with the weaker members of the boarding party did likewise, readying their little fighters for escape._

_Bastila was worried. They needed to leave **soon** or there would be no guarantee of safety from the station's explosion. 'Hurry love!'_

_And then he was there, limping swiftly into the docking bay. His left arm held his lightsabers while his right hand supported his side. Bastila ran forward to support him, half aware of the presence of Canderous as he moved to cover them from any pursuit. Revan leaned heavily on her as she led him back towards the freighter._

"_I had to kill him." He wept as he said this statement, and Bastila caught a sudden flash of memory. Revan stood before his former friend, begging him to turn back to the light. A small portion of her being was surprised that he even endeavored to redeem the Dark Lord. His next words broke her own heart as she listened to him weep. "He wouldn't come back. If only I hadn't. If only I hadn't lead him down the wrong path, so many people wouldn't have died. So many of the ones that I love wouldn't have suffered pain."_

_His eyes were on her as he spoke. Bastila felt tears run down her own cheeks as she considered his dilemma. "If you hadn't, we would never have met. Malak made his own choice of paths, there was nothing more that you could do. Remember love, if you had not chosen as you did, I would not be here now."_

_He nodded as she helped him into the tiny medical bay aboard the Ebon Hawk. His eyes closed as he laid back, the Ebon Hawk shuddering as Carth pulled her around to make a run for it. He kept Bastila's hand grasped firmly in his as his exhausted body trembled from its recent strain._

_Bastila wrapped her arms around her beloved, sheltering him from shadows past and present. "Hush love, all things will come right in the end."_

'_If only…'_

_The End_


End file.
